Woman-work in progress-

I moved away. I moved a hour and a half away from my life. My wife that I loved so very much left me. I stopped where I stood and I left. I told myself that I needed to get away and I was right I did. I told myself that I needed to sit with myself. Its been four months. I read, I lay on my floor naked and feel the air and listen to the crickets outside my window. I live beside my father and his partner. Yes, he is a homosexual. I now have a roomate. He is a sweet little 21 year old, he is my fathers apprentice and needs a place for a few more weeks. I relized the other day that I have had no female friends.

BOOM KAZZZAAM!!

Something happened. Its like I heard a click, my mind stopped, by breathe weakened and I understood. I finally after 30 fucking years had a epiphany. I love woman. I love female energy. I love the beauty of a strong framed woman. I love a womans eyes looking back at me with tenderness and curves. I love talking about things under the surface and that hold some sense of meaning to both parties conversing.

I miss women. I love women. I am a lesbain. I am a woman. I love my breasts, the breasts that I used to hate. I love my little stomach, the stomach that I one day want to feel a child grow inside of me. I spend my time listening to ignorant comments about women. I wonder if it is fear. I wonder is it frightening to think that we nay be a creature wiser and more worldly in our ways? Is is strange to think that we may be able to see through your puffed out feathers that you want to force people to think that you take up more room than you actually do???

I used to be a mysogynist. I used to hate myself. I uses to hate that I loved women. I saw a illusion in masculin strength. The physicality of it all. Women are deeper. The strength we have isn't a shield. We don't need people to see our strength. We have it inside of a sharp tongue and our beautiful minds. It comes from within and it grows with every ignorant comment. It grows with every perverted stare. I love it. I love my strength. I love the strength of women. I miss women in my life. I miss women in my bed. I ache to feel a womans warm soft body pressed against mine. Your hand running across the contours of my face. Eyes looking right through me. I miss the coffee dates at our old kitchen table every morning.... fck...