wonder.....

I wonder if there is a place for me,
Between the distance of this mystery,
I know you never ment to lie to me,
You are the apple Eve took from that tree,

You are a addiction,
Perfection and chemistry,
A beautiful train wreck,
That grew far to much in infancy,

I never wanted this to consume all of me,
The magic got swept away silently,
Sex is sex and love is love,
Should I give up entirely?

I can see the blackness of the trees,
The sky casts the richest blue,
I know there is still love for me,
I still have love for you.

Is there a way after enough time,
To turn this all around,
How many lovers will pass me by,
Until I miss your solid ground.

Work in progress.....

I wrote a long letter today,
but I won't send it anyways,
I think you understand me more,
Than i could ever give you credit for,

Something about the way you move,
I knew you would always be cut loose,
I thought that wearing your ring,
Would tighten up those loose strings,

Its the beauty and the pain,
made me run back again,
Its the comfort in your arms,
Shelters from all harm,
I was so in love with you,
I was so damn in love with you,

VERITAS

I was looking for the truth,
Questions are all I found,
If you really did love me,
You would have never kicked me around,

You would have never fucked the realtor,
When we were trying to buy a house,
or run after Johnathan at the video store,
When you said you wanted to work it out,

I remember sauntering in to the tattoo shop,
When we were getting sparrows done,
I saw my name on your chest as I walked in,
Yeah the ink was already done,

I felt sick to my stomach,
and I wanted to run,
Ignored intuition for reassurance,
Now I need some cover up done,

break me

Break me down,
That is how I felt downtown,
Shake me down,
I am but bones hitting the ground,

It adds up to,
Nothing at all,
A brief shinning second,
Before we all fall,

If it fits your schedule,
Tear a strip off of me,
If it fits your schedule,
So conveniently,

Mary

Mary what do you have,
That I can't seem to find?
Something in the way you move,
Your hair like olive vines,

In the night I touch my lover,
but I know she dreams of you,
Just one bite of venom,
Makes one fall for you,

Is the grass always greener,
Is it just another shade,
There is a tan line on my finger,
There are promises I made,

Mary what do you have,
That I can't seem to find?
Something in the way you move,
Your hair like olive vines,

I know when a black car rolls up,
She will think of you,
How your lips shuttered,
While she was kissing you,

Mary my life uprooted,
I gave it all away,
I walked out of my job,
I found a brand new day,

We tried to make everyone happy,
So much we lost our way,
Striving for future happiness,
Miserable along the way,

Mary what do you have,
That I can't seem to find?
Something in the way you move,
Your hair like olive vines,

Mary I can't move the way you do,
Like olive vines,

Sad Song

After a long hard day,
I want to pack it up,
Put it away,
Try to find the words to say,
I need you the most,
Why do I push you away?

I know love changes,
I know hearts fade,
It has been more than I can bare,
These past couple days,

I feel her cold shoulder,
Aimed right at me,
My broken hearts blood,
Drips down to my knees,

Leather Rose

I have a flower on my chest for every time,
I fell in love,
With you,
Like the rhythm of the sea,
Beauty and simplicity,

I have a flower on my chest for every time,
I fell out of love,
With you,
Like the rhythm of the trees,
Laced with a crisp breeze,

We weaved in and out,
Grew and flourished,
Loved like a drunk,
Took chances with our luck,

After all of these turns,
the folds,
the bends,
I have found myself,
Looking at my greatest friend,

Valentine

There is a hundred places I could be,
There are other people I could see,
I forgot I could feel,
The way that I feel,
When you are right here,
Its not another cheesy line,
This love could be so divine,
Won't you stay this one time?
Forever be my Valentine,

Mile to the gallon

I know you miss me and you always want to do the right thing.
I know that you wonder how I am,
In the spaces in between.
I know everything you do is simply for us.
Together or seperate,
Just always enough,
When infatuations end and my tire blows out,
I will be the hitch that takes you home,
Through dynamite walls,
To the end of the pier,
Where the light shines dull,
Until it shines clear,

June 25th

I'll pretend I don't feel,
I'll pretend I'm not here,
I'll pretend your not there,
I'll pretend I'm not there,

Every minute,
Everyday,
All the things that I have learned,
Its all around,
Every breathe,
All the things,
I have burned,

I'm not giving up,
but I gotta go,
Cuz I can't leave,
and I can't stay,

Awkward silence,
Its a charmless day,
I am broken,
I am broken,

I'm not giving up,
but I gotta go,
Cuz I can't leave,
and I can't stay,

Broken

It has been 21 days since she left. It has been 21 days since I was happily married and two days away from house inspection. She was my best friend, my lover and the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. The person I tried to make a baby with and the person that I made promises to and curled up beside at night. I cried for seven days and nights. I couldn't eat for weeks. I don't know what kind of love she left me for, I wonder if she is going to wonder the rest of her days looking for blind infatuation or passionate one nighters. I am completly fucking lost. She was enough for me, her touch, her breathe and her body against mine in the night. She was my best friend and I felt for that brief moment that I was apart of something beautiful.

I try to remember how it all happened, the moment it all began and the flicker in time that I knew that I loved her. I remember being quiet and shy, which was out of my usual obnoxious behavour. I used to be macho butch. I used to fuck hard and rough. I used to dominate my prey. I used to be short haired butch and they used to be femme. I used to be a creature much different than I am now. I am now a beautiful woman broken by another beautiful woman. I have been trying to pinpoint when my fear overcame me.