It is another day, night and day,
Keeping busy,
I try to focus,
Morning pill,
I remind myself to drink water,
Start engine, shift to first and drive,
Then to second and cruise,
Arms... nope,
Feet yes,
Thoughts frying like burning bacon,
Emotions careless void,

What is love anyways?

My friend Alex used to say that it stood for Lots of Varied Emotions. I is sad because she is dead and they found her remains in a ravine. I miss that lady, she was wise and misunderstood. I sit and ponder over so many things these days. I am angry a hell of a lot and I feel like a time bomb about to go off. TICK TICK TICK. I am safe in my head. I want to spend another few months alone with no touch and no words. I want no intimacy on any level. It only hurts when it cuts through your flesh down to your heart.

What is love anyways??

I stop,
deep breathe,
I look around,
Everything is fine,
..but me,
..but me,

I am not alright and I am not happy,
I am tanned deep and darkening,
I wonder....if its from the inside out,
Trained like a circus dog to jump through imaginary hoops,

I put my hand on my chin and look down,
My eyes grow heavy,
My heart is heavy,
I guess its true I always struggle,