I remember you said I was so beautiful,
You said how could someone not desire you?

I would feel safe and desired in your arms,
I felt beautiful and worthy of such things,

I wanted to feel your strength against me,
I craved the softness you would also bring,

Now I feel like all I have is the distance between between,

I want so much to trust that this is real,
That anything is real at all,
I feel dead in my heart,
My eyes feel empty and lacking soul,

I thought about my belt around my neck,
I thought about it,
I thought about a bloodied tub,
I thought about it,

I thought a lot,
I wondered if I would get to see you again if I did,
I feel like I have no one,
I feel empty and alone,

I miss it when your hands loved my skin,
The days before all I had left were tears,

When you would kiss me and hold me,
The days before all I had left were tears,

I can not see a light to guide me home,
The darkness of the night found its way deep inside,

You don't love me the way in which I love you,

I am sorry I am like gravel,
I am sorry I can still miss you after all this time.

I remember the last time I heard your voice,
In the cab,
It was June 13th,
It has been 10 months,

I am sorry I am like gravel.
I am sorry I can't just forget you after all this time,

Perhaps,
Next time around,
Perhaps,
Perhaps,

I feel lonely wishing something would break, snap or give.
I wish something would or could allow this to bend.
I miss your skin and the comfort of seeing your comfort.
I feel like I am dead weight.
A abyss of hopelessness of a memory of another time.
I miss your arms and a smile I close my eyes to see.

I close my eyes.

I stare off.

I say " I am just tired baby"

I think back to blue gray eyes...another life another time.

I am so scared that I will fuck this up,
I am so tired of nothing going how I planned,
I am so scared of fucking this up and it all being my fault,
So much at times I am not myself,

I am broken today,
I am sore today,